Shakespeare blows more than I

I am not too happy because I think I may have a case of Swimmer's Ear but I am not sure how. My biggest fear at the moment is that it's some kind of spider that got into my ear and laid eggs or something, you know, that disturbing wive's tale about why you should keep your ears clean, etc. But it wouldn't even matter if I kept my ears clean. A spider can still crawl in, right? I don't know what I would do if I got a spider laying eggs inside of my ear but I don't think I can handle the thought of it. I am certain I would panic.

Does anyone know if this is actually possible? I refuse to look up things on the Internet because I know that there will be a ton of horrid stories about surgeries and what not. I could go to the doctor, and I probably should, but I don't want to get weighed or take a pregnancy test. All of these things are against my personal beliefs. I should not have to be weighed like I am in a scientific experiment. And forcing me to take a pregnancy test is sexist. Men don't have to ejaculate in a cup to see if they are fertile, right? If I am pregnant I will find out on my own. All I want to know is whether or not I have spiders in my ear.

Anyway, the rest of this week should be a breeze because I don't have any more tests until Wednesday. I blew the day today. I thought bitchy thoughts and didn't do very well on my Shakespeare test. Basically, I blow. The whole time on the test all I could think about is a spider in my ear. I tried to study but ultimately I need to pay better attention to Shakespeare next time, no matter how much I hate reading his work. I have the whole semester to make up for the fact that those history plays made me want to double knife myself. I know that it's cool, Audrey, that you're in the middle of five books and can seem to enjoy and comprehend and think about each and every one of them, but maybe you should save all of your energy on SHAKESPEARE THE GENIUS. Right? Oh well. I feel like I am dosed down with so much Anglo-Saxon white history garbage I could puke up spiders. I should do that, maybe rid myself of the spiders in my ear. Hopefully I can start writing some poems again this week now. I have a clean-apartment in the future, salad and hummus and a drawing with my name on it.

Crossin' my fingers,
Audrey