visitation

I have been visiting my family in St. Joseph for the weekend. And well, something usually comes to mind to write about but this time I feel very blank. It all seems so typical. All of the depressing news, the routines, the migrated sense of self. I am starting something new, apparently. The old isn't fun anymore. It's not depressing either. It's just there.

I learned the news about a good friend of mine from high school going to prison for possessing child pornography. I wish I could hear something good about my old friends and my old life besides one's new sex offender status. Sometimes it makes me wonder how I got to where I am now. It makes all of my mistakes in my college education child's play. I ran away from something for a reason. I ran away and I am happy that I did. Running away isn't the best idea all of the time but sometimes it takes you some place you wouldn't have been before. Anyone who says it is always a bad idea may be wrong. Granted, nothing was accomplished but the run. But I am here. I wouldn't have been before. I can't say that staying in your muck trying to fix all of the problems right then is the best idea. Did you know that's stunted growth?

Maybe I am no different. Maybe there are issues I should sit around in a white room with and have a therapist resolve. What does one say anyway? It's worthless. Just go find a pen and paper. Oh, all of the resolutions. I'm just lucky I got away with some peace of mind.

Changes are happening anyway, I am sitting here at my parents' house missing out on various awkward situations happening in Kansas City at the moment (convenient they happen when I am not in town. Phew!) Every time I end up here I know things are about to start changing directions. I come for a cleanse of some sort and then am off on my way.

We all have our stories. I'm no different. Time goes somewhere, I guess.