No I don't want to suck your dick, but I'll listen to Miles Davis if you want.

The past couple weeks I have had the unfortunate experience of viewing porn stills of people that I know either currently or in the past. Suddenly this has been something leaving a filmy smell of lubrication all over my life at the moment. Last week I even got in the midst of a couple I know fighting about porn. It was the best night out I ever had.

Despite the serious implication on women that (mainstream) porn has had (yes, I can give you first hand experience if you'd so like) I can't say that the general idea of pornography bothers me all that much. It's the way that is gone about to make it not porn at all and instead something that I have no business or feeling about because I choose not to let it infiltrate my life. In fact, I have a million other things to worry about right now that it seems unfortunate to waste it using my mind space thinking about pornography and how men view my body. Chances are, I don't give a shit. Chances are, I never have. The problem goes beyond porn. The item itself is menial compared to the bigger problem. That is for a whole other entry, though.

I wonder if I am just missing out on all of the fun. You know, I'm just sitting around attempting to get a second job serving somewhere and writing poetry and drawing and finishing up a degree and working part time in a music archive. Maybe all of those times in high school I stayed in to listen to Miles Davis with my parents in the evening instead of sucking the dick of that cute boy in Archaeology club was a huge mistake. Maybe I'd feel more comfortable about myself and my own sexuality, and most importantly, not miss out on the fun, if I just took that route. Sucking dick wouldn't be that hard, right? I'd get a ton more cred than sitting at home listening to Miles Davis. I mean, what the fuck can Miles give me?