A lesson in check

Today I wandered out of my cave to walk three blocks to Broadway and avoid eighteen year old shank stares and thrones of judgment to pick up an iced Americano (not a toddy because more than one toddy a week heightens my caffeine dependence so terribly that getting rid of a headache is almost impossible). At the table towards the right of the cash register sat a blond woman and someone who looked like her dad or uncle.

So the blond lady was at a table talking about her roommate. I had to write about this story because it's something that I think is important for me to remember. Everyone else can remember it or not, that's not my business. Anyway, her words disturbed me because the way that she talked about her roommate reminded me of the situation I was in just a year ago. The only thing I could think was... well, that's going to turn out really terrible. "Oh, she's just really nice but doesn't make any right choices." Her dad said, "Mmm Mmmm, yes yes," in such a way where his satisfaction for raising a smart, normal and goal driven young lady was blatantly obvious. I wanted to ask the blond lady what the right choices were but it is not my business to ask a stranger a difficult question. I don't know the whole story, obviously, but I can only imagine. Her roommate is having a difficult time in her life and has not made this clear to blond lady because she wants her privacy and to get through it on her own. She may be in the midst of a transition. Blond lady is certain that she knows all of the answers to the external factors in roommate's life but has no insight into roommate because she's certain that she knows all of the answers. Blond lady butts in way too far, eventually causing a whirlwind of foggy misconceptions leading roommate to feel worse about herself. Why does blond lady hate the way I am? Why can't blond lady leave me alone? Why isn't blond lady concerned with herself? What is wrong with me here?

A short amount of eavesdropping brought me back to the perplexing time of last year and the certainty in saying that if things got any worse I would have been close to death (or someone close to me). That is no exaggeration. Looking back I know of all of the ways I could have stopped everything going the direction that it did. I guess naivete took over, per usual. So when I hear a blond woman stand on her soapbox and use an individual's life as her own scapegoat... well, it just makes me stand back for a moment and think. Sometimes, it's good to put yourself in check and keep in mind that taking shit about your character is never a good idea and giving unwarranted shit may even be worse because then you're just fucking with someone's (possibly fragile) self-esteem. And frankly, that person's self esteem and how "you can fix it" is none of your business. But, tell that to a controlling snake like blond lady may be. That world is a different one. It's not mine. Ya'hear?